In the dead of night, I awoke and heard the scratching, the turning of the lock. I willed my body to move, tried to wiggle a toe, anything.
It stayed frozen. I was powerless, motionless, and vulnerable.
Turns out it was all in my head. But the awake mind and sleeping body was one of the scariest experiences of my life.

I'm doing better now. I sincerely swear.
I can slowly feel my friends opening up to me, enclosing me in their embrace, their camaraderie.
Protecting me, nurturing me
I've always been one of those affectionate people. I believe Elizabeth Gilbert compared herself to an attention-starved dog.
Well I won't drool on you or ruin your nicest shoes, but I do appreciate a hug once in awhile.

I'm starting to wonder if it's possible for me to have a platonic guy friend.
Excluding a few noteworthy exceptions, something gets lost in translation in the development of a friendship.
Either I feel like they have a hidden agenda or they think I like them.
I just want someone I can be close to, share my thoughts, feelings, whatever, without any sexual pretense. It irritates me that guys presume that the intimacy I desire is entangled with feelings of lust or yearning. But maybe men and women can never be friends. Harry and Sally did get married after all.