this city suits my temperment right now.
Originally from my perch up north, I had regarded L.A. as representative of all I hate about American culture- materialism, vapidity, ignorance, and the agenda-seeking. But I don't know if it's a result of assimilation or perhaps my own personal transformation but I admit I've been seduced by this city. Although there are times I long for the wide open spaces and lush landscapes of Northern California, I've grown accoustomed to this concrete jungle. I understand this place now-I know how to navigate it. Because unlike the sleepy lethargic North of my childhood- this city is charged with happening. Movies are created and filmed here- our sports teams draw eyes from all over the country. Trends, deals, and movements begin here. Los Angeles is a boisterious, rude, manipulative bitch and I, against all my pretenses, have grown to love her.
That being said, being surrounded by creative people make me long for the spotlight. I miss performing. I miss being able to express myself in such a raw, primal form. Selfishly I miss the attention, the validation, the praise. I'm not foolish enough to try and make singing my primary source of finances- as much as I love it, I don't have the drive for it. Call it lazy, call it pragmatism but there are some visceral pleasures that I cannot live or forgo (a.k.a. delicious food and wine). I guess what I really want is once a month or every couple of weeks to go to some smoky dive bar and sing a jazz and blues set to a group of strangers. That to me, would be a little piece of heaven.
