As tough as these days are, as hard as these working days and sleepless nights have been, I can't help but wonder about my future self. Am I going to look back on these days as the times where I was free, unencumbered by the needs of a relationship and children...a time that I rarely savored but should have?
As much as I should live in the present, exist in the moment, I am constantly torn betwixt my future and my past, worried about regrets, consumed with past mistakes and musings about the future. I guess because I'm so unhappy with my current state of affairs, I can't help but hope and long for the best of times.
All I know is I can't enjoy things the way I used to. I crave spontaneity, freedom, lazy days. But who knows, I could instead be plagued by cabin fever. Lord knows, I will never be satisfied. Just got to try and find those transcendental moments when I can, when I forget my troubles and just...bask in whatever joy I can find.
It's all happening for me. But I don't know if I'm ready...
