"Laura - I want to see you again. No games. Let me know if I'm wasting my time."

act now, think later

action, then regret-such a common constant thread throughout my life.
in truth i am too raw, too impulsive, too primitive to be tamed right now.
for so long, i felt trapped, over protected, constantly watched
have i now equated this with what love is?
i am such a mess of contradictions. i implore you to come closer, care, hold me, then sprint away at the slightest hint of reciprocation.

"laura, you constantly shoot yourself in the foot".

my id has consumed me. i don't understand it- my impulsivity has no root.
there is no vacuous dense void within me. for the most part, i feel filled, complete. perhaps i am an emotional masochist. my gratitude for my comparably easy lot in life comes with an angsty flowering face-my guilt? but enough rationalizing.

i care too much and show it too little. i'm not ready for what you offer although i wish i could be. i'm too young enough to value what you are and immature enough to constantly long for what i can't have.