I have nothing witty or poignant to write at the moment.
It's strange...sometimes the words will hit me at a sudden moment. While I'm eating a sandwich. Or spacing out at work. Or in the middle of a banal conversation with someone. I excuse myself politely, grab a pen, crayon, or even eyeliner and a piece of paper, a napkin, the other side of a bill, whatever I can get my hands on to write down the ongoing flow of sentences.
All I know is that right now I'm itching to do something...creative...expressive.
I'm currently entertaining:
-Buying a used or old camera and taking pictures. Photography, once something I dismissed, is beginning to grow on me.
-Writing a screenplay for a pilot or feature. Gotta do something with the ideas bouncing around in my head
-Improving my personal space. Whenever I see a gorgeously decorated room in a movie, TV show, or while visiting a friend, I always wish that my room could look like that. I need to stop wishing and start being proactive. And pick up my damn clothes for once.
-Learn a language. I am entranced by those who speak a romance language.
Well it's a start. I guess I am searching for some other mode of expression because I've been feeling so lost and adrift lately. I need some form of self-actualization since lately I am mired in doubt over who or what I actually am.
But then again maybe what I am is nothing except an accumulation of the perceptions, thoughts, and information garnered from others. A tabula rosa (rusa?) with no agency.
But let's not get into a nature vs. nurture argument here...
I will end with a quote that has been sticking with me:
"There are moments when times stands still. Moments when you're beyond life and yet still see. And then time begins flowing again, your heart beats, you stretch out your arms, you take a step forward. You still know, but you no longer see."
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