...

The more and more I learn and grow and unfold, the more and more I realize the futility of human existence and the frailty of our confidence in our own self-importance. Strong words and a strong statement I'm sure but if you look at our actions, our impulses for creativity and our clinging to faith and spiritual belief, our society, every individual, we are just trying to matter.

I realize the older I get the more...cynical and stoic I become regarding both my relations to society and the world around me. I attach myself to a disaffected disposition because it's easier than being outraged and feeling powerless. The news I read, the cataclysmic events and traumatic dramas I hear about still affect me to an extent but faced with the fruitlessness of any long term effect I can accomplish...it's easier in my opinion to take the easier road.

Goodness. I'm a 60 year old trapped in the body of a 22 year old.

You might think that by reading the paragraphs above that I am a miserable human being when in fact, I'm more in love with life than ever. All the new experiences, the new people, the new ideas and books and events are constantly thrilling. I feel completely unencumbered. Completely free.

It's as if I have been trapped in Plato's cave-blind, deaf, and dumb up until lately.
I want to know everything there is to know about everything. I want to meet strangers and hear their life story. I want to taste the best food there is to eat. I want to take myself to the edge of the line and cross it. I want to feel real. I want to feel alive with every waking moment. I am currently in a state of complete surrender to my senses. I would also love to find someone who can understand this.

But so far, right now I only wish to understand myself.